kaattiee123 (kaattiee123) wrote in ana_hug,

freaking out about thanksgiving! :/

ugh, i feel so weak right now. i want more than anything to go into the kitchen and eat something, anything that's edible. so i'm going to try and distract myself. for the most part, i did pretty horrible today;
-less than half of a fruit&yogurt parfait from mcdonalds
-glass of orange juice
-an apple (before my soccer game, i couldn't run on an empty stomach)
-piece of pizza and water for dinner. (FMLLLLL.)

all i can think about is thanksgiving dinner later today. i don't know what to do, i feel so lost. i know that if i don't eat, i'm not going to enjoy my holiday at all, plus i know i'll get constant nagging from my family, so i'll most likely have no choice. i'm not going to eat at all today, and i think i might go for a nice long run in the morning. i can't stop thinking about how i'm going to be such a fat ass after thanksgiving dinner. i'm really considering purging after, otherwise i'll probably gain back the four pounds that i've lost in the last couple days. and i just can't do that. =/

but the last time i tried purging, i couldn't do it. i felt so full and i really couldn't stand the feeling anymore. i did it out of desperation, and i tried for about five minutes straight, no lie. i did it until the point that my nose started to really bleed. that scared me, so i stopped. i know it's bad, but i don't think i'm going to have a choice tonight. i don't know what i was doing wrong though?

i know i'm not the only one worrying about this either. i know if we all stay strong we can get through this horrible holiday together. just try to have fun, and set aside those haunting thoughts for one night. (i think i'm just going to forget about it until AFTER dinner, then i'll get rid of it) but i don't know, i hate to give into myself like that, it really makes me feel horrible. anybody have a little bit of inspiration for me, or just wants to talk? hang in there everyone.<3
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